Healing a 2nd Degree Tear in Postpartum

I was in labor with Auraya for 28 hours at home. At that point, I was exhausted and losing consciousness. In between realms, I made the decision to seek extra support within the system. Upon arrival, I found myself in transition, with Auraya already in the birth channel.

The doctor inserted his hands inside my vagina and pushed down in an attempt to ‘guide’ Auraya earthside. I tore; it was down to halfway on my perineum.

Types of tears:

1. First-degree tear: A minor tear that only affects the skin around the vaginal opening.

2. Second-degree tear: A tear that extends through the vaginal lining and perineal muscles.

3. Third-degree tear: A tear that extends through the vaginal lining, perineal muscles, and the muscle that surrounds the anus.

4. Fourth-degree tear: The most severe type of tear, extending through the vaginal lining, perineal muscles, anal sphincter, and into the rectum.

A tear, one of my fears, surprisingly wasn’t the worst wound to heal. However, it brought a gift—it guided my awareness in the postpartum period to my pelvis, my Vulva, and my breath.

Here’s my full birth story ‘Homebirth to Hospital’

To aid in my healing process, I began steaming my Vulva every day for around one month, starting from 7 days postpartum. This was my first time dedicating myself to this practice.

Due to the tear, squatting was difficult for me. So, I placed a pan with mixed herbs in a pot in the toilet, covered the seat in towels, put my feet on a rug, played peaceful music, lit a candle, and cherished moments alone.

Every day, for 15 minutes, I would be alone, connected to my breath, learning positions and movements that honored my wound. I believe it was a great ally in my healing on all levels.

I also practiced Vulva Gazing. This was interesting and quite shocking to me. I had seen my Vulva before, but the transformation was remarkable. It was juicy, full, and open. I could even see my urethra and what I thought at the time was my womb—I thought I was experiencing a prolapse.

I went to a male gynecologist whom I had never met before. Despite some ingrained fears of gynecologists, especially males, from all the free birth reels and quotes on Instagram, I let go and trusted my intuition.

He was a Costa Rican doctor around my age. At that point, I had no problem stripping off; birth had left me primal. "Just a Vulva," I said to myself.

Within a few minutes, he assured me everything looked perfect.

I could relax.

I was in postpartum with only Ilan, and I had to release this fear of a prolapse.

With this dissolved, I continued my practice. After a few weeks, the postpartum bleeding had finished, and I could see the wound was healing.

After 6 weeks, it was healed, and I actually made love at around 6 weeks. It wasn’t the pain that stood between us but the trauma of the birth, memories running through my mind and body.

I deepened my practice with my breath, conscious movement, and various techniques to process the trauma held within my body.

I wouldn’t wish it on myself, but it did break me open deep enough to meet parts of myself which had been hiding.

The trauma was entangled with other past experiences and beliefs, and as I could only be gentle, I was able to welcome parts of me home.

Through the time, I began to hear my body's whisper. I could see how my whole life held the belief that after birth you will pee yourself, your vagina will be saggy - basically, it’s the end.

So I spent my whole life pulling in my stomach, drawing up my pelvic muscle. They were locked in a short position. I NEVER spent time lengthening and relaxing!

I was told by my body this was a reason Auraya felt stuck in transition.

In this conversation with Becca, a pelvic health specialist, I ask all the juicy questions that can support you in deepening your relationship with your pelvis and debunk some myths.

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I was in postpartum with only Ilan and I had to release this fear of a prolapse. 

With this dissolved I continued my practice, after a few weeks the postpartum bleeding had finished and I could see the wound was healing and after 6 weeks it was fully healed and actually I made love at around 6 weeks, it wasn’t the pain that stood between us but the trauma of the birth, memories running through my mind and body. 

I deepened my practice with my breath, conscious movement and various techniques to process the trauma held within my body, 

I wouldn’t wish it on myself but it did break me open deep enough to meet parts of myself which had been hiding.

The trauma was entangled with other past experiences and beliefs and as o could only be gentle I was able to welcome parts of me home.

Through the time, I  began to to hear my bodies whisper. I could see how my whole life if held the  belief that after birth you will pee yourself, your vagina will be saggie - basically it’s the end. So I spent my whole life pulling in my stomach drawing up my pelvic muscle. They were locked in a short position, I NEVER spent time lengthening and relaxing!

I was told by my body this was a reason Auraya felt stuck in transition. 

In this conversation with Becca a pelvic health specialist I ask all the juicy questions that can support you deepen you relationship with you pelvis and debunk some myths. 

Love,

Danielle

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